The musings of a fourth year English medical student

Wednesday, 9 March 2016

FEELING LOST

Right now everything is going so well, and for some reason I'm still not happy. 

I feel as if I'm in one of those moods where you simply don't understand your own emotions. Recently my lovely, privileged life has been going really well. I've passed my exams which I am relieved about, I've been going out a lot with my friends, doing my French course, doing well in my piano.... My relationship is fantastic, my mum has got the all clear for malignancy, as she recently had histology taken from a basal cell carcinoma under her eye. Even the weather has got better, and we have had some lovely sunny days! Yet somehow I feel worthless. 

I am so glad that I am studying medicine, but I am not enjoying the cardiovascular module at all. I think it's because  of the electrophysiology and the calculations. I was so on top of my lectures until we began this module, and now I have no motivation at all. 

As I have mentioned before, I am trying to become more active. I am really enjoying going to the gym, but I have noticed that when I do classes or exercise with friends my self-confidence plummets. I know, I know, you shouldn't compare yourself to anyone but I can't help it. I thought I had finally got to a point where I was happy with my body but now I am beginning to loathe it all over again. I'm eating healthy and keeping fit, but seeing my thighs in lycra is shudder-inducing.

I'm currently writing a review of a new sports bra I've got, and have loads of ideas for blogposts. The trouble is just making myself get my act together and writing them...

Love,
Kate 
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